Max's Birthday

Today is the birthday that we chose for Max when we adopted him. It's the halfway point between our birthdays. Our birthdays are only four days apart, so calculating this date wasn't a brain buster.

Here's a photo of my baby enjoying a piece of doggie birthday cake. I think he would agree that today is the best birthday ever!

I Got Breeder Bingoed

I was doing some check print auditing last week, and I total got Breeder Bingoed, by a man, nonetheless!

I was having a perfectly civil conversation about the fact that we found no reason to "upgrade" during the housing boom because we already have 3 bedrooms and 2.5 baths for 2 people and a beagle. I really don't need anymore shit to clean. I can't even clean what I already have! The response to my having said this was "Yeah, but it won't seem like that much space once you have kids." My first thought was to be annoyed that one would make such an assumption. My second thought was to feel bad that most people out there truly don't realize that having kids is an option.

So, I gave my standard "we aren't having kids" response which I have practiced and managed to sustain an even, matter-of-fact, non-disgusted tone to my voice. All of a sudden, as if a breeder B52 swooped in out of nowhere: "We used to be like you!", "Kids are totally worth it!", "You can't say you'll never have kids!", "You'll change your mind!"

It took all I had not to respond back "You weren't like me, because you had kids, they might be totally worth it for you, but not everyone has to make the same choices as you, I can say I will never have kids, because my short term plans include sterilization and I will not change my mind, because I have never in 31 years wanted to be a mother, except for a short period when I hated my job and thought it would be a convenient way to get out of working." Instead I just let his sad self go on and on, as if convincing himself, how fabulous being a parent is.

Then he got a call from his wife stating that one kid needed braces and he was volunteered to chaperon a Jr. High School dance (to which he responded "I hate teenagers.") I simply laughed to myself and though "sucker."

If you're reading this, and you're a parent, let me tell you this: I think you will be more likely to regret your decision to have children than I will to regret mine not to. The difference between me and you is that I have enough couth to keep my opinion to myself. Your decisions are yours, and mine are mine. The next time you meet someone that is child free, keep your mouth shut. We've heard all of your bullshit before and we really don't care. We're happy that you find happiness in snotty noses, vomit stained carpets and the prospect of $150,000 college educations. We find happiness in other places. Please respect that. Have you ever noticed how a child free person has never suggested that you abort your unborn child because you might regret it? Take a lesson.

Idiots

I just saw a teaser for tonight's local newscast in which they have gathered some mothers that say regarding lead-laden toys from China, "I thought the government had more laws in place to protect our children from this!"

Look, bitch, how the hell is the government going to protect your crotch droppings from toys that have lead?!? Should we have our border patrols ignore looking out for terrorists to test every My Little Fucking Pony that comes over? How about teach your little brats not to shove everything in it's mouth? Just because Mommy does it, doesn't mean it's right.

It's nice to see that the idiots are multiplying.

My Dante's Inferno

I had to go to Babies 'R Us today (I declared outside that I choose "us") and it was horrible. Every woman in there was knocked up and it was a nightmare.

I'm excited to become an aunt in a few months, but I'm going to have to start ordering things on the internet, because I can't keep doing that.

And here's something for you: they have baby wipe warmers. God forbid you clean a baby's shit smeared ass with a room temperature wipe. Oh, the horror!!

My Thoughts on The Whole Ellen Thing

Not that I think my thoughts on anything are all that important, but it's my blog and I can do what I want.

I am a fierce shelter advocate. I volunteer at a local shelter, my furbaby is from a shelter, we donate more money to shelters than any other organization and I will tell anyone who will listen (and some who won't) to please adopt pets from shelters not breeders.

That being said, I completely 100% agree with the rescue group Mutts and Moms (for whom I can't link to because they had to inactivate their Petfinder site after being harassed to bits by fervent Ellen fans/fat soccer moms.) Okay, Ellen seems like a kind, funny, good person. But, the fact of the matter remains that it is standard operating procedure for rescue groups and shelters to require adopters to return a dog/cat/ferret/fish/etc. that doesn't work out back to said group.

Let's look at it this way: A family goes to a shelter to adopt a dog. The shelter does a home visit and finds that the home is not suitable. The kids are too young and rambunctious for the somewhat skittish dog, the house doesn't have a fence and one will not be put in, and this dog is an escape artist. So, the decision is made to not adopt the dog to this family. Mom decides that her precious little babies deserve that dog, being that they are the fruit of her magical womb. So, she asks her friend with a teenager and a fenced in yard to please adopt the dog and give it to her. The friend does this, and the dog ends up biting on of the kids after it pulls the dogs tail. Now the shelter gets sued.

See where this is going?

Shelters and rescue groups are not for profits usually partially or completely staffed by volunteers. We're not talking about Fortune 500 companies with enough resources to apply the rules on a case by case basis. These groups create rules in order to protect the group, the animals and the public. I'm sure if she had contacted the group directly and said "Listen, this isn't working out for my family, however, my friend and her family would love to adopt this dog and I hope that you would consider moving him there" things would have worked out better.

Instead she did what she wanted and is now using her TV show to create endless problems for a group that she feels has "wronged" her by not letting her do whatever the fuck she wanted. And let's face it, just because someone is famous doesn't mean they aren't up to shenanigans and completely insane (Britney Spears, anyone?)

This whole thing just pisses me off. Shelters and rescues have enough problems without being demonized by some spoiled brat that didn't get her way.

Yeah, But She's Mature For Her Age

They claim it's an error in the wording, but let's face it: the South is backwards. I'm willing to bet there's at least one or two hundred thousand pedophiles rushing to tie the knot before they change this law.

Sweet Baby Jesus...

An Important Notice About Cubicles

A cubicle is, by nature, not an office. The walls don't reach to the ceiling and there is no door. This means that there is no privacy in a cube.

This may not come as a surprise to most, but I'm willing to bet that it would to the girl that is interested in trying Yaz, because she tracked her moods on the website and she thinks that it might be beneficial for her. She's been on Ortho Tri-Cyclene for the last few years, but...

At this point I started up a conversation with the girl that sits next to me, because I kind of felt bad that I was eavesdropping, even though I really wasn't, I was just being not deaf.

Conversations with the following should be held on one's cell phone in one's car with the doors closed:
OB/GYN
Proctologist
Urologist
Affair partner
Potential new employer

This is by no means a complete list, but I think you get the point.