FUCK?!?!?!
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/11/19/child.rape/index.html
11/19/07
11/14/07
Being Childfree in a Childed World
I am joining scores of other Purple Women who are blogging today about what it's like to be a childfree woman.
"Baby hater", "selfish", "glib". I, and probably every other childfree woman that has outed herself, have had these and similarly hate fueled comments hurled in our direction every now and again.
Let's face it, we live in a child-centric world. Parents are given subsidies in the form of tax rebates, non-parents are expected to pick up the slack at work when the childed have to take time off from work for illness, clarinet concerts and baby's first three week extravaganza at Disney World. Hell, people that give birth to litters of babies get to go on The Today Show and shill for diapers, college money and vans. And they usually get it.
The first question most people will ask you when you meet them is "Do you have children?" Why not ask me if I have a Master's Degree (I do) or if I've ever been to Spain (I haven't)? Of all the questions that a stranger can ask, it's funny to think that the most common has to do with how productive you and your partner are in bed.
What I have found most interesting is that people generally feel that if you don't want kids then you must hate them. It's the whole "if you aren't with us you're against us" mentality. Even people that don't have kids but want them someday view you as the enemy. If I meet someone that doesn't want to get a pet, I don't immediately assume that they blow up frogs in their spare time.
I think the most frustrating thing about being childfree is the fact that most people won't take you seriously. I can't count the number of times that people have told me that I will change my mind, or that they knew someone just like me and now she has 15 kids. As if I need to be reassured that if I keep the faith, someday I can be a normal mommy.
I have vivid memories of myself at 13 knowing that I shouldn't be a mother. I went through a period where I thought I should have kids, but after thinking about the reality of children knew that 13-year-old-me was really on to something. I've held newborn babies and smelled their little heads and had them hold my finger in their tiny hands and look into my eyes. It's magical and amazing, but I still don't want to be a mother.
In less than two months I will be an aunt for the first time, and I can't wait! I can't wait to meet my nephew for the first time. I can't wait to hear his first word, watch his first steps, see him play Little League and go off to his prom. I still don't want to be a mother.
I am childfree and proud. I am however, not a baby hater, not selfish (or no more so than someone that feels that her DNA is worthy of replication) and I might be glib, but again, no more than those that will judge me based on my parental status rather than the person that I am and the contributions that I make.
"Baby hater", "selfish", "glib". I, and probably every other childfree woman that has outed herself, have had these and similarly hate fueled comments hurled in our direction every now and again.
Let's face it, we live in a child-centric world. Parents are given subsidies in the form of tax rebates, non-parents are expected to pick up the slack at work when the childed have to take time off from work for illness, clarinet concerts and baby's first three week extravaganza at Disney World. Hell, people that give birth to litters of babies get to go on The Today Show and shill for diapers, college money and vans. And they usually get it.
The first question most people will ask you when you meet them is "Do you have children?" Why not ask me if I have a Master's Degree (I do) or if I've ever been to Spain (I haven't)? Of all the questions that a stranger can ask, it's funny to think that the most common has to do with how productive you and your partner are in bed.
What I have found most interesting is that people generally feel that if you don't want kids then you must hate them. It's the whole "if you aren't with us you're against us" mentality. Even people that don't have kids but want them someday view you as the enemy. If I meet someone that doesn't want to get a pet, I don't immediately assume that they blow up frogs in their spare time.
I think the most frustrating thing about being childfree is the fact that most people won't take you seriously. I can't count the number of times that people have told me that I will change my mind, or that they knew someone just like me and now she has 15 kids. As if I need to be reassured that if I keep the faith, someday I can be a normal mommy.
I have vivid memories of myself at 13 knowing that I shouldn't be a mother. I went through a period where I thought I should have kids, but after thinking about the reality of children knew that 13-year-old-me was really on to something. I've held newborn babies and smelled their little heads and had them hold my finger in their tiny hands and look into my eyes. It's magical and amazing, but I still don't want to be a mother.
In less than two months I will be an aunt for the first time, and I can't wait! I can't wait to meet my nephew for the first time. I can't wait to hear his first word, watch his first steps, see him play Little League and go off to his prom. I still don't want to be a mother.
I am childfree and proud. I am however, not a baby hater, not selfish (or no more so than someone that feels that her DNA is worthy of replication) and I might be glib, but again, no more than those that will judge me based on my parental status rather than the person that I am and the contributions that I make.
11/11/07
Momma's Still Got It
We went to see Chris Cornell in concert at a little dive bar last night and the parts that I could see were fantastic. Being 5'0" general admission concerts are my arch nemesis. You can't go up front because you could get killed in a mosh pit or just squashed up against the stage. No matter where you stand, the Guiness record holder for both height and hair largeness standing in front of you.
So, for the few minutes that I was able to see around the large girl with the large perm in front of me, I was able to catch live glimpses of the most beautiful man ever to grace the planet:
He looked amazing, although to my dismay he didn't take his shirt off. The whole band went shirtless for the encore except him. He did wear a tank top and I was able to get an eyeful of his tattooed biceps. Yum.
So, since M is well over six feet tall and wanted to get as close as possible, he went for it and I stayed back with all of the other shrimps and wimps. At first I was bummed because I was at a concert alone. Then I decided that I would perform a fun experiment. Rather than staring at my shoes, I put my head up and a smile on my face. Turns out that if j were to ever become single, she shouldn't have too much trouble finding a gentleman companion. Me go girl!
I didn't go so far as to try to get someone to buy me a drink, even though I was dying of thirst (M had the credit card and I left everything but my ID at home.) I'm totally sure that I could have gotten one, but I told the guy that I was married. Good thing I did, too, because M came back before the end of the encore and then I would have felt like a total jerk.
After spending a third of my life with the same person, it's nice to know that I don't look like an old maid yet!
So, for the few minutes that I was able to see around the large girl with the large perm in front of me, I was able to catch live glimpses of the most beautiful man ever to grace the planet:
He looked amazing, although to my dismay he didn't take his shirt off. The whole band went shirtless for the encore except him. He did wear a tank top and I was able to get an eyeful of his tattooed biceps. Yum.
So, since M is well over six feet tall and wanted to get as close as possible, he went for it and I stayed back with all of the other shrimps and wimps. At first I was bummed because I was at a concert alone. Then I decided that I would perform a fun experiment. Rather than staring at my shoes, I put my head up and a smile on my face. Turns out that if j were to ever become single, she shouldn't have too much trouble finding a gentleman companion. Me go girl!
I didn't go so far as to try to get someone to buy me a drink, even though I was dying of thirst (M had the credit card and I left everything but my ID at home.) I'm totally sure that I could have gotten one, but I told the guy that I was married. Good thing I did, too, because M came back before the end of the encore and then I would have felt like a total jerk.
After spending a third of my life with the same person, it's nice to know that I don't look like an old maid yet!
11/10/07
The Good Old Days
This morning over breakfast M and I were discussing our childhoods and how different things are today. I was reminiscing about when my friends and I used to meet up in the morning and set out on our bikes, riding around for hours and hours sometimes returning home for lunch, sometimes not until dinner.
Twenty (gasp) plus years later, I can still remember all of the good times we had riding around the neighborhood, through the woods and anywhere else we could manage to maneuver our trusty Schwinn's.
Flash forward to 2007. Now, I see kids riding their bikes up and down their driveways. Lame!! I wonder what they would think about a time when you didn't have to worry about perverts, kidnapping and all of the other calamities waiting around every corner.
I've often wondered whether society was just more reckless back then, or are the risks actually more real now? Back in the 80's information was available in limited doses. You could read the newspaper or watch the local news. Things that were going on in Smalltown, Iowa probably weren't being reported in Tinyville, Pennsylvania and vice versa. Now, just hop on the computer and there's more news than one person could possibly read.
For example, would a woman my age walking through a parking lot alone in 1983 be as paranoid and hyper-aware as I am in 2007? Did she have to be? Do I have to be?
In his book The Lexus and The Olive Tree Thomas L. Friedman talks about globalization and the fact that in the last few decades, the world has become smaller thanks to the democratization of technology, finance and information. Friedman is applying the globalization concept to business, but it definitely translates into regular everyday life.
Back in the day, if a woman was abducted in a mall parking lot in Minnesota, would it really make that much news in New York? And if it did, did Minnesota seem so far and distant that it didn't rattle people that much? Now, Minnesota seems like it's just the next town over. Hell, when Madeline McCann was kidnapped (allegedly) in Portugal, it rattled parents all over the world just as it would have if she'd been taken from the next door neighbor's front porch.
Are we just more aware of the risks today because no place is really a "far off land" anymore? Or are people becoming more sinister and evil? Am I really more likely to be attacked in the mall parking lot today? Or do I just read more stories on CNN.com and get more emails warning me about the tricks of the rapist trade?
I would hope it's just that we're all just more aware, because the idea that the human race has deteriorated that much in the last thirty years is a really crappy thought!
Twenty (gasp) plus years later, I can still remember all of the good times we had riding around the neighborhood, through the woods and anywhere else we could manage to maneuver our trusty Schwinn's.
Flash forward to 2007. Now, I see kids riding their bikes up and down their driveways. Lame!! I wonder what they would think about a time when you didn't have to worry about perverts, kidnapping and all of the other calamities waiting around every corner.
I've often wondered whether society was just more reckless back then, or are the risks actually more real now? Back in the 80's information was available in limited doses. You could read the newspaper or watch the local news. Things that were going on in Smalltown, Iowa probably weren't being reported in Tinyville, Pennsylvania and vice versa. Now, just hop on the computer and there's more news than one person could possibly read.
For example, would a woman my age walking through a parking lot alone in 1983 be as paranoid and hyper-aware as I am in 2007? Did she have to be? Do I have to be?
In his book The Lexus and The Olive Tree Thomas L. Friedman talks about globalization and the fact that in the last few decades, the world has become smaller thanks to the democratization of technology, finance and information. Friedman is applying the globalization concept to business, but it definitely translates into regular everyday life.
Back in the day, if a woman was abducted in a mall parking lot in Minnesota, would it really make that much news in New York? And if it did, did Minnesota seem so far and distant that it didn't rattle people that much? Now, Minnesota seems like it's just the next town over. Hell, when Madeline McCann was kidnapped (allegedly) in Portugal, it rattled parents all over the world just as it would have if she'd been taken from the next door neighbor's front porch.
Are we just more aware of the risks today because no place is really a "far off land" anymore? Or are people becoming more sinister and evil? Am I really more likely to be attacked in the mall parking lot today? Or do I just read more stories on CNN.com and get more emails warning me about the tricks of the rapist trade?
I would hope it's just that we're all just more aware, because the idea that the human race has deteriorated that much in the last thirty years is a really crappy thought!
11/9/07
In Response
to a comment from an earlier post of mine. I figured that it would be more well read here than in the comments section of an older post.
My sister-in-law and her husband struggled with infertility and several miscarriages, and it broke my heart every time. I'm so thrilled that she is now less than two months away from giving birth to my first nephew. In fact, I have a guest room filled with all sorts of non-essential but totally fun baby stuff.
However, this is my personal blog. People who don't like it don't have to read it. This is a place where I can come to vent about things that happen in my life. When perfect strangers feel that they are welcome and justified to make comments (I'm talking IRL comments, not blog comments) about my personal life and my own decisions it pisses me off. Unlike those people, I never would dare to shoot back with similar snap judgements about their lives. Instead, I come to my personal blog, get it all out, and go back into the childed world with a smile on my face.
In fact, I believe that I am probably blogging here about the same people that tell my SIL that she should probably do this or not do that in order to prevent more miscarriages (when, in fact, her fertility doctor could find no reason why she was unable to stay pregnant.) The same person that asked one of my coworkers if her normally-rambunctious-for-his-age toddler had been fully screened by specialists for some sort of disorder.
Basically, what it comes down to is this: I (and pretty much every other woman of child-bearing age that chooses not to have children) have to listen to a lot of bullshit on a regular basis. And I'm not talking about "aw, children are so great." I'm talking about "how could you be so selfish as to not want children?", "what kind of person doesn't want to have children?", "my sister can't have kids, and I think it's just awful that you choose not to" and other personal attacks that people feel just fine and dandy about throwing at me because I decided to do something different than they did. Every day is like a new chance to be insulted!
Please understand that, if you're on the fence about kids, you have no clue what I am talking about. Saying "Oh, we're not ready yet" or "We'll see" elicits a much more polite response than "We have decided that we aren't having children."
For the record, I also don't really think that every person living south of the Mason-Dixon line hates black people.
My sister-in-law and her husband struggled with infertility and several miscarriages, and it broke my heart every time. I'm so thrilled that she is now less than two months away from giving birth to my first nephew. In fact, I have a guest room filled with all sorts of non-essential but totally fun baby stuff.
However, this is my personal blog. People who don't like it don't have to read it. This is a place where I can come to vent about things that happen in my life. When perfect strangers feel that they are welcome and justified to make comments (I'm talking IRL comments, not blog comments) about my personal life and my own decisions it pisses me off. Unlike those people, I never would dare to shoot back with similar snap judgements about their lives. Instead, I come to my personal blog, get it all out, and go back into the childed world with a smile on my face.
In fact, I believe that I am probably blogging here about the same people that tell my SIL that she should probably do this or not do that in order to prevent more miscarriages (when, in fact, her fertility doctor could find no reason why she was unable to stay pregnant.) The same person that asked one of my coworkers if her normally-rambunctious-for-his-age toddler had been fully screened by specialists for some sort of disorder.
Basically, what it comes down to is this: I (and pretty much every other woman of child-bearing age that chooses not to have children) have to listen to a lot of bullshit on a regular basis. And I'm not talking about "aw, children are so great." I'm talking about "how could you be so selfish as to not want children?", "what kind of person doesn't want to have children?", "my sister can't have kids, and I think it's just awful that you choose not to" and other personal attacks that people feel just fine and dandy about throwing at me because I decided to do something different than they did. Every day is like a new chance to be insulted!
Please understand that, if you're on the fence about kids, you have no clue what I am talking about. Saying "Oh, we're not ready yet" or "We'll see" elicits a much more polite response than "We have decided that we aren't having children."
For the record, I also don't really think that every person living south of the Mason-Dixon line hates black people.
11/7/07
Shoe Whore
I love shoes. Imelda Marcos is my hero.
Today, I wore a pair of boots to work that I didn't particularly like. I mean, I like the shoes, I just didn't like them with the particular outfit. The shoes were light brown and I really needed a dark brown pair with the outfit. So, I did what any college educated girl would do; I drove to the mall on my lunch break and bought a new pair of shoes.
My husband is having a hard time comprehending why 1- I wore a pair of shoes that I didn't like and 2- that the solution was to purchase a new pair of shoes. I tried to explain that I didn't own a pair of dark brown boots, therefore it was necessary for me to purchase them. Men just don't get it.
The whole time I was in the shoe store, this song was running through my head.
Today, I wore a pair of boots to work that I didn't particularly like. I mean, I like the shoes, I just didn't like them with the particular outfit. The shoes were light brown and I really needed a dark brown pair with the outfit. So, I did what any college educated girl would do; I drove to the mall on my lunch break and bought a new pair of shoes.
My husband is having a hard time comprehending why 1- I wore a pair of shoes that I didn't like and 2- that the solution was to purchase a new pair of shoes. I tried to explain that I didn't own a pair of dark brown boots, therefore it was necessary for me to purchase them. Men just don't get it.
The whole time I was in the shoe store, this song was running through my head.
11/6/07
Attention Child Free Readers
I know I only have about 3 readers, but if you read this and know someone that it would pertain to, please pass this info along.
On November 15th a group called Purple Women and Friends is asking child free women to blog about being child free in a child centric world. You can go to their site to learn more about the group and the 11/15 event.
So, even if you plan on being a parent some day, support someone that you know that's making a different choice!
On November 15th a group called Purple Women and Friends is asking child free women to blog about being child free in a child centric world. You can go to their site to learn more about the group and the 11/15 event.
So, even if you plan on being a parent some day, support someone that you know that's making a different choice!
11/4/07
This Week In Entertainment News
- Christina Aguilera confirms she's knocked up. Who gives a shit.
- Dog the Bounty Hunter is a racist. Wait, a guy with a mullet hates black people? Nuh-uh!
- Heather Mills claims she almost committed suicide. Wah, people hate me because I swindled the world's most beloved icon.
- The Writer's Guild of America voted to go on strike. So the fuck what? Can't a monkey in a diaper write most of the shit on TV today?
In case people weren't aware, there's a war going on. Thousands of our people are being killed in Iraq and Afghanistan (among other places) every day. There's a massive genocide going on in Darfur. Pakistan is operating under martial law.
I understand that the state of Britney's vagina is very important, not only to the economic stability, but also the future of American relations with other international superpowers. But, is anyone else depressed as crap by the fact that it seems to be more important than the fact that there are more than 11 million children in sub-Saharan Africa that are orphaned as a result of AIDS?
11/2/07
Recently Spotted in the Mullet Capital of New York State
Okay, where to begin?
- Why would I want a massage from someone with a sign made primarily of masking tape, paper and a wooden board? Somehow, I think those massages mostly end in criminal charges.
- Is the same person offering both services? What if they get confused? Someone could end up paralyzed.
I'm almost tempted to call that number and ask how many takers there have been on either the karate and/or the massage. I can't imagine there are many.
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