I Got Breeder Bingoed

I was doing some check print auditing last week, and I total got Breeder Bingoed, by a man, nonetheless!

I was having a perfectly civil conversation about the fact that we found no reason to "upgrade" during the housing boom because we already have 3 bedrooms and 2.5 baths for 2 people and a beagle. I really don't need anymore shit to clean. I can't even clean what I already have! The response to my having said this was "Yeah, but it won't seem like that much space once you have kids." My first thought was to be annoyed that one would make such an assumption. My second thought was to feel bad that most people out there truly don't realize that having kids is an option.

So, I gave my standard "we aren't having kids" response which I have practiced and managed to sustain an even, matter-of-fact, non-disgusted tone to my voice. All of a sudden, as if a breeder B52 swooped in out of nowhere: "We used to be like you!", "Kids are totally worth it!", "You can't say you'll never have kids!", "You'll change your mind!"

It took all I had not to respond back "You weren't like me, because you had kids, they might be totally worth it for you, but not everyone has to make the same choices as you, I can say I will never have kids, because my short term plans include sterilization and I will not change my mind, because I have never in 31 years wanted to be a mother, except for a short period when I hated my job and thought it would be a convenient way to get out of working." Instead I just let his sad self go on and on, as if convincing himself, how fabulous being a parent is.

Then he got a call from his wife stating that one kid needed braces and he was volunteered to chaperon a Jr. High School dance (to which he responded "I hate teenagers.") I simply laughed to myself and though "sucker."

If you're reading this, and you're a parent, let me tell you this: I think you will be more likely to regret your decision to have children than I will to regret mine not to. The difference between me and you is that I have enough couth to keep my opinion to myself. Your decisions are yours, and mine are mine. The next time you meet someone that is child free, keep your mouth shut. We've heard all of your bullshit before and we really don't care. We're happy that you find happiness in snotty noses, vomit stained carpets and the prospect of $150,000 college educations. We find happiness in other places. Please respect that. Have you ever noticed how a child free person has never suggested that you abort your unborn child because you might regret it? Take a lesson.