Sweet Baby Jebus

Boy, my Road Runner homepage has really crammed it up Hil's ass two days in a row. I'm not insinuating that she's Heidi Klum or anything, but for the love of crap first she's a used car salesman and now she's this... I don't even know WTF this is.

Would You Vote for this Woman?

I don't know, she just looks so skeevy in this picture. I know I'm a New Yorker, but there's no way I'm voting for old Thumbs-up McGee here.

For Mebbie

This is my favorite (with Me & My Llama coming in a close second) Sesame Street bit.

My Spam is Making Me Feel Old

All of a sudden I am being inundated with spam. I always had some here and there, but I must have gotten on someones sucker list in recent weeks.

I got two this week that made me feel kind of... okay, very... old.

The first was from Robert Half Finance & Accounting (not spam, I guess since I gave them my email when I was job hunting) with the subject line: "Attract and retain Generation Y employees – White Paper" As if to say "Now that you Gen X'ers are old and out of touch, how 'bout you find yourself a nice, young Gen Y'er to take your place!" The only redeeming part of the email is that it has a picture of an attractive 20-something male in a nice suit. I wouldn't mind attracting and retaining him!

The other email which is a real kick in the ass lets me know that "You may qualify for an electric wheelchair at little or no cost" Well, fan-fucking-tastic! Instead of a sexy post-teen sporting a come-hither look, this email features geriatric marketing god Ed McMahon. He goes on to tell us "Take my advice, life is better with a Pride Power Wheelchair from Orbit Medical."

I have to go to bed now, because I have to get up at 4am and have a bran muffin and some Metamucil. Then, I'm going to work in my garden for a while before I tell the kids next door to stay off my damn property.

Me Like Top Skules!

Somehow, I'm thinking a University of Phoenix graduate created this ad:











I mean, maybe this is just my bricks-and-mortar education speaking here, but isn't there a "your" missing from that sentence?

Woah!

I have a site that tells me where readers click onto my site and where they click out of it. So, apparently my last entry brought out the freaky deaky. The following is a list of Google searches that brought people to my lovely blog:

Google Search: client 9 anal
Google Search: spitzer anal
Google Search: new york governor anal sex
Google Search: emperors club vip anal
Google Search: client #9 anal
Google Search: spitzer anal
Google Search: spitzer 9 anal

Freakin' sweet.

A Vote for 'Client 9' is, Apparently, a Vote for Anal Sex

Well, it's been more than an eventful day in Albany today! My office (a State contractor nonetheless) was all abuzz for the last three hours of the day as we gathered around radios tuned to WGY waiting for word about how our exactly our governor was "linked" to a prostitution ring.

Was he a pimp? A john? A man whore?!?!

As it turns out he's 'Client 9', and he's going to be indicted. And according to all media reports has given no indication that he plans to resign. I mean, obviously he's going to have to resign, but the sanctimonious jerk off is going to put it off as long as possible. I have hate, hate, hated Spitzer since he was AG and could never understand why people found him to be such a crusader of justice. He frequently strong-armed large companies operating in New York out of money for no good reason. He always came across to me as a cocky asshole with a giant chip on his shoulder.

So, our governor is a super freak. According to the affidavit, the Governor of New York State was "a repeat customer who was known to propose unsafe activities." I can only assume that to mean anal sex. With a whore. Very clean, my man. In addition to all of this, he also had an account with the Emperors Club VIP so that he could secure his $1,000+ an hour whores in advance.

I just love that he fancies himself an Emperor.

Taxpayers of New York- WE PAID FOR THIS! His income is deducted directly from our paychecks.

The day before Valentine's Day, he paid $4,300 to have two whores take a train from New York to Washington DC (really, he couldn't get them a plane ticket?) The day before Valentine's Day. I hope he got his wife a bottle of Valtrex to go with the roses!

While it is pretty embarassing for the State of New York, I can say that 1- at least he didn't go all priest on us and nail a little boy; 2- I voted for John Faso; 3- I actually like the Lieutenant Governor. David Paterson seems to be an intelligent, level headed man that might actually contribute something to the State of New York. While he was on David Dinkins' staff during that disasterous (and dangerous!!) period of New York City's history, from what I can tell he's actually a good guy. I look forward to learning more about him in the next few days. Plus, he's going to make all kinds of history. He will be New York's first black governor, and the first blind governor in the country. Hopefully, he will not make additional history by schtupping a cat or something.

So F'ing Annoying!

I have a horrible history with hairdressers. I know exactly what I want done with my hair. I am not the girl that walks in and says "Do whatever you want!" I go in and tell them where to cut and which scissors to use. Despite all of this, I rarely if ever get what I ask for. We're talking I ask for a straight two inches off and walk out with short layers. Bad shit.

My hair is extremely thick. I have had hairdressers tell me that they have never seen hair as thick as mine. Sadly, that means most of them have no idea how to cut my hair.

My coworker was a hairdresser in another life, and she has amazing style so I asked her what I should do, and how to communicate it to someone to get what I want. She gave me tons of suggestions and strongly recommended her girl, who basically would do exactly what I want. So, I made the appointment for today at 5:15 and spent a few days with pre-new-hairdresser anxiety. By this morning I was feeling good about my appointment and the fact that by the end of the day I was going to have a decent haircut.

I get out of work at 4:30, but stayed until 5 because the salon is right down the street from my office. I got there at 5:10 and went in early, just in case she was ready. They tell me that she'll be out in a few minutes (I'm early, that's fine.) She comes out about a minute later and tells me she just has to put some color in someones hair, and she'll be ready for me. 5:30 rolls around- nothing. 5:40- nothing. I decide that there is no way in hell I'm waiting 30 minutes for this freaking girl to get her shit together. Obviously, she booked another person in my 5:15 slot and had no interest in performing my haircut (which bills less than a color). So, as soon as my cell phone clicks over to 5:45 I walk to the coat room, get my jacket and leave. The girl at the front desk was in the salon chatting (presumably with my hairdresser and her preferred client) so I wasn't even able to tell them where to cram the 30 minute wait.

I really wanted this girl to spend some time looking at my hair before they washed it and started cutting. I was basically looking to develop a plan for what I was going to do with it (i.e. my bangs look like shit and need a major overhaul). Going in over 30 minutes late would have meant that she would have rushed through my appointment, and I'm sure I would have left looking like complete crap. Then I would have been kicking myself for not walking out of there.

The thing that pisses me off the most is that these salons make a big fucking deal out of showing up on time, cancelling 24 hours in advance and charging you if you don't show up.

You know, if I go to the doctor and she's running late, I can understand that. Perhaps someone came in two hours before me feeling ill, and it ends up that they are having a heart attack and need to be transported to the hospital. Or someone comes in for a physical and finds out that they have high blood pressure and requires some additional time with the doctor. I understand that important medical situations can come up, and it can cause appointments to get screwed up. That's a doctor. What kind of critical hair emergency could there possibly be?!?!

So, here I sit with the same shitty hair that I woke up with this morning. Shit. Back to square one.

Do Your Good Deed for the Day

Colgate-Palmolive is running a "contest" to award ten US hospitals two Starlight Fun Centers. These things are so cool! It's basically a mobile unit that can be wheeled into a child's hospital room for kids that are preparing for or recovering from a procedure or are for some other reason bed ridden. The units contain a flat screen TV, a Wii and a DVD player.

All of the hospitals in this vote are going to receive one fun center and one in each of the ten regions will receive a second one, based on who gets the most votes.

Our local children's hospital at Albany Medical Center is one of the hospitals in the running. As of right now, they have the most votes for their region!

You can vote once a day, and I'm imploring anyone that reads this blog to please go and vote for Albany Med here.

There are over 400 hospitals waiting to receive a Fun Center, and it would be great if a hospital in little old Upstate New York could get two of them.