Okay, I know I'm not a parent and I don't understand how hard it is to keep a two foot tall, 50 pound person under any sort of control, but I'm really starting to get concerned about all of the shitty parenting going on in the world.
Two specific things that are getting under my skin lately- Madeleine McCann, the little girl that disappeared from her bedroom at a resort in Portugal while her parents were eating dinner at a restaurant that was shockingly not located within the confines of their hotel suite. I get that sometimes you need to get away from your kids for a little while because they are huge pains in the ass, but I'm thinking that safety would dictate the use of a babysitter rather than just taking off. I mean, if you leave your kids in a hotel room alone at night, you really have to expect that something bad is probably going to happen. Somewhere between a clogged toilet and kidnapping/murder.
Second thing- all of these insanely self absorbed people that can't seem to remember to take their children- their own flesh and blood- out of the car and instead effectively roast them to death in back seats. Seriously, how hard is it to remember that you have a kid and that said kid is in the car? I'm conscious 24 hours of the day that I 1- have a dog and 2- don't have any yard apes. My dad let me tumble off the changing table when I was a pup, but he always remembered to take me out of the freaking car!
I think, in this world of self obsession that there are a lot of people that feel it's their duty to create new people from (what they believe is) their superior DNA. Then, to their surprise they find out that kids require gasp attention!?!?! Around the clock?!? You mean I can't sit them in the kitchen behind gates with a bowl of water while I go out with my friends?!
I'm pretty sure a kid created by me and my husband would be a decent member of society. Of course, the mixture of our DNA certainly carries the risk of creating a serial killer, but it could also make a brain surgeon. It could go either way. But, in any event, I don't want to be a mom. I want to do what I want, when I want with who I want. I don't want to go to t-ball games in high waisted pants and a bad haircut to cheer for "Dylan", "Avery" and "Brittney". I don't want to understand how bowel movement consistency changes with age. I don't' want someone walking into my bedroom at 3 am and stating the following: "Mommy, I don't feel well... bbbaaaarrrrffffffff!!!!!"
Selfish? Hell, no! What's selfish is feeling this way and having kids anyways because you owe it to society or your mother-in-law or the Church. Fuck them!!!
Okay, I'm stepping off my soapbox now and taking a nap (because I can.)
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We've decided that we are going to let our adopted Antarctica children be animals. I will certainly remember to take them out of the car but then I plan to leave them at the Toys R Us unsupervised while I go shopping for slutty shoes. Then they can barf on the floor there instead of in the car. Good idea eh?
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